There’s a lot of talk out there about how the modern day hook-up culture officially ended love as our parents and grandparents once knew it. There’s a lot of rhetoric about guys not wanting to commit, about women not wanting to give guys the time of day because they’re afraid all men want is sex, and once they get it, they’re on to the next.
But is that really a product of the times? Is gender really the issue at all? Or are we each just taking one, two, five of our personal experiences and projecting them onto an entire gender?
Are guys or girls really more or less likely to commit than the other, or are we all just looking for that one perfect partner for ourselves and failing over and over again because finding the perfect partner isn’t easy to do?
I personally believe both genders’ “woes” about the other aren’t entirely, if at all, valid. When people say “guys suck” or “girls are the worst,” all they’re really doing is expressing their frustrations over trying to find companionship in their lives.
All of this talk that love is dead, romance is gone, is just a product of our anger over the fact that the All American Ivy League alum who all of our friends liked wasn’t right for us or the beautiful, artsy, poetry-writing singer wasn’t down-to-earth enough for us to relate to. (If you had a gender in mind for either of those, you’re a sexist.)
So how DO you know when you’ve found the right person for you? How do you know to stop looking? How do you know when it’s time to commit to this person because there is no one better out there for you?
Well, as a heterosexual male, I can only speak to other straight men about the women in their lives (although many, if not all, of these surely transcend gender).
So guys, listen up. Because if your girl does ANY of these seven things, she is, as it is commonly referred to in the bro community, “wifey material.”
1. If she shares your sense of humor, never let her go.
I’ve both had and seen girlfriends react to jokes in many different ways.
If she’s “utterly appalled” at a joke you made, leave her ASAP. If she just kind of ignores you with nothing more than a roll of the eyes, well, sometimes that’s all you can hope for.
But, if by some miracle, she shares your sense of humor? Adds to your jokes? Is, dare I say, funnier than you? Well you lock her down, and you lock her down hard.
Life is too short to spend it with someone you can’t share a laugh with.
2. If she calms you down when you’re mad, never let her go.
Everyone has a temper. Some people have shorter fuses than others.
Speaking on behalf of myself, I’m a pretty chill guy, and it takes quite a bit to get me mad — even more to make me lose my sh*t. (PSA: If I’m mad at you, chances are you f*cked up).
So depending on your fuse, this might be even more important to you than others, but if the girl in your life can take you from ultra-pissed back to your normal level of chill equilibrium (equi-chill-brium), then you have a girlfriend who truly knows you, and that is a gift, my friend.
3. If you have the same taste in TV, music and movies, never let her go.
OK, let’s take a breather for a second and move away from the heavier emotional stuff.
“Netflix and chill,” we joke about its hidden connotations and sexual undertones, but the fact of the matter is this is how you spend a fair amount of your relationship. ACTUALLY Netflix and chilling, in one way or another.
Maybe the two of you are weathering a cold winter, waiting until the warmer months when you can go out and be people again. Maybe “Netflix” is taking the form of a big screen movie at your local Regal or AMC.
Regardless, you guys are going to be watching a lot of stuff together, and if you can’t agree on something, your relationship is going to be short-lived when you’re trying to watch “House Of Cards” and all she wants to watch is “The Bachelor.”
And if she watches “your show” without you? She’s dead to you.
4. If she respects the time you spend with your friends, never let her go.
RIP to all the friends we had who got in relationships and became boring and/or dropped off the face of the earth.
We all know one — or several. The guys and girls who get cuffed, and you never see them again. And no, it’s not always the fault of their significant others. Sometimes it’s on them.
But many-a-bro goes MIA because of a girl who won’t let him out of her clutches. And that’s a damn shame.
So if you have a girlfriend who respects the time you spend with “the boys,” that is a girl who values friendship — not just hers, but yours.
5. If she calls you out on your BS, never let her go.
There’s nothing sexier than someone who calls you out on your sh*t.
You might think or pretend you hate it, but you don’t hate it at all. You love it. You love that you have a girlfriend who isn’t going to fall for your BS. You love that you have a girlfriend who is going to be a formidable force in your life.
It’s a confident, sexy way for your girl to tell you she cares, to tell you she sees your potential and to tell you that she is not going to accept anything less than seeing you rise to that potential.
A girl who lets you walk all over her is going to be a girl you get bored of fast. But you’ll never get bored of the girl who pushes you to reach heights you couldn’t reach on your own.
6. If she trusts you, never let her go.
We live in a trifling time, when a lot of our personal information is very easily accessible.
Leave your phone on the bed while you go to the bathroom, and someone can learn a lot about you and the conversations you’re having. Take a shower and leave your diary unattended, and the wrong person could pick it up and learn your innermost private thoughts.
Trust is a hard thing to find. I can count on one hand everyone I fully, 100 percent would trust with my life. Like one’s reputation, trust is something that takes years to forge and seconds to destroy.
Trust, in itself, is a beautiful thing to have with another person, but it’s straight up magical to have with the person you love and are meant to be with.
In fact, true love can’t foster without it.
7. If she truly believes in you, never let her go.
This is really the underlying message behind having a girlfriend who calls you out, as stated in point number five.
Love is powerful and can force us to do things we couldn’t do on our own. This can be a very good or very horrible thing. It can make or break us. It can be the ultimate source of motivation or self-destruction.
If you are lucky enough to have a woman who not only loves you, cares about you, laughs with you, teaches you, but also truly believes in you, there’s nothing in this world you can’t do.